The beginning of a new school year is always filled with excitement and anxiety but that excitement and anxiety is SO. MUCH. BIGGER.  when your child is going to a new school.

I feel so much compassion for these little humans who are starting somewhere new this school year. They need to be brave in the face of so many unknowns.

Thinking of all this anxiety and so many unknowns, I’m transported back to the memories of every time I was about to enter a new environment – changing schools, starting a new job, going to university, going to a family event with a boyfriend – and I remember how the anxiety would creep up on me in those situations.

Well, I have now spent 18 years welcoming new students into high school and I have learned a couple of things about which students make the most friends and which students make friends the fastest.  So thinking of all these little humans who are about to embark in a new school, I thought I would share some tips for parents so you can help your kids have a successful start to this new school year.

A Conversation that Got Me Thinking…

The other day I was driving my daughter and her friend from a playdate at our house, and I asked the typical back-to-school question: “So kiddo, are you looking forward to going to a new school next year?”

“Yes!” she said, while nodding her head energetically.

“What are you hoping for most next year?” I asked.

“Well, I would like to do well in my classes and make lots of friends”  she responded.  I could hear a little uncertainty and trepidation creep into her voice.

“Ah, yes.” I continued, “Do you think that most of the students coming into your new school are thinking the same thing and feeling the same way?”

“Yeah, probably,” she said thoughtfully.

“Would you like to know the 3 secrets to making lots of friends at school?

1. Everyone feels the same way you do.
2. Everyone has something that you can like about them.
3. Having a strategy to smile and be friendly is the key to making new friends.”

Secret #1: Everyone feels the same way you do

Everyone wants to make friends when they come to a new school. Let me repeat that: everyone wants to make friends when they come to a new school. This means that the chances of making new friends are really high for everyone attending a new school. This is great news for for your children and great news for their future friends at their new school!

It’s so important that students attending a new school realize this because once they do, a lot of the pressure and worry about going to a brand new school lifts.  So speak to your children about this and let them know that there are so many students looking for new friends just like they are.

And most importantly, encourage your kids to consistently be the new friend that others are hoping for. This will definitely increase their connection with others and help them make some new friends.

Secret #2: Everyone has something to like about them

The more you get to know someone, the easier it is to find something to like about that person. People are full of stories and experiences that are fascinating.  When people adopt an attitude that starts with the belief that everyone has something to like about them, it’s much easier to make friends.

So encourage your children to make the effort to ask questions, find out more, and be curious. The more they do, the more they will learn about other people. The more they learn, the more they will be able to appreciate the unique personalities of the people they meet.

So tell your children this: “Asking questions is a great way to show people that you’re interested in them (and by the way, this is a great skill to develop as it will serve you well throughout your life!). And making an extra effort to find something to like about other people will make you more likeable to them as well.”

Secret #3: Having a strategy to smile and be friendly is the key to making new friends

Just like my friend’s daughter, most children who are going to a new school have as one of their goals to make new friends.  Yet most of these children are waiting for a new friend to arrive into their life. They don’t have a strategy for making new friends.  And I can tell you that being passive about new friendships is not the best approach to a new year at a new school.

Rather, people need to commit to actively initiating interactions with others – to smile, to say something friendly and to be ready and open to liking new people. Now, they also need to accept in advance that some people are of the mindset that they already have friends, maybe some people might not even act nice, but with those people we shrug and simply give them space.  Their reaction to friendliness is more a reflection of them than of the person being friendly.

So encourage your children to be friendly to other people; tell them: “If you think of something friendly to say like ‘I like your top’ or ‘Your purple hair looks cool’ or ‘My name is …. What’s yours?’ then take the next step and say it out loud. A smile and making a choice to say something nice is the first step to making new friends.”

Now not everyone can do this all the time. Some people are really comfortable making new friends and talking to people they don’t know. Other aren’t. But even if your children on the shy side, they can make a commitment to saying something nice to at least one person each day. (And then if that goes well, maybe they can do it again!)

Encourage your children to be ready and strategic about making new friends.  Tell them: “Every time you walk into your school, every time you walk into your classroom, every time you see someone, remember these 3 secrets. When you act on them consistently (or as often as is possible for you), you will become the new friend that someone has been hoping for. And best of all, you’ll make some new friends at your new school. And you just never know, these friends just might turn out to be your closest ones yet!”

We would love to hear about your strategies to help your kids get ready for school at a new school year.  Post a comment below and let us know.

And if you liked this article, check out: