The other morning, I was washing the dishes in my pjs and coffee grounds shot up into my right eye.  Yep, I was temporarily blinded while washing the coffee portafilter – you know, the thing that you put your coffee grounds into for a home espresso machine…(in the photo above and to answer your question…no, I didn’t know the name of that thing before writing this post!).

So I was flailing around being dramatic about how I got coffee grounds in my eye and the reason for it was because I had decided to do all the dishes that day.   I had decided this because Robby, my husband, had told me the day before that he was fed up with doing so many dishes all the time.

Not Your Typical Man

Now before you go thinking: “Typical man… complaining about doing too many dishes!”  I want to clear something up.  Robby is by no means a typical man.  He’s far better at keeping the house clean and organized than anyone I have ever met (except maybe his mom, Lizzie).  He is also far better at having dinner on the table and getting the kids ready and off to school than I was when I took my turn staying at home with the kids.

Robby is a master organizer and has implemented systems throughout our house to maintain its cleanliness.  We all know the “golden rules” to how to keep the common areas clean.  (I have just re-organized my home office and gotten new office furniture to fit the space, so now I have to figure out what the golden rules will be for me to keep my office clean!) If anyone has ever dropped in to our house unexpected, they know that our house is always guest ready even though we have two children and a dog that sheds so much we could have tumbleweeds of fur blowing around our house.

I have often thought that Robby could have an amazing YouTube channel sharing his tips and systems on organizing the house.  But as some of you might have figured out by now… I am full of ideas for what I want to do next and for what others could do next as well, and often my ideas don’t exactly resonate for the vision that other people have for themselves.  In response to this suggestion, Robby said: “I am not sure I want to be known as the male version of Marie Kondo!“

So back to the coffee grounds in my eye…

As I was flailing around with coffee grounds in my eye, I told Robby that I got injured doing the dishes.  But as I looked at him, with my right eye squinted closed, I also told him that getting coffee grounds in my eye was my act of love for him for the day.  He laughed and said: “Thanks!”

Reframing Household Chores as an Act of Love

The idea of reframing household chores as an act of love is not my own. I was fortunate to work with my friend, Lauren, at a previous job and we had a conversation that always stuck with me about how she was parenting her two boys.  She would tell them that doing household chores is an act of love for the other people in the family.  This meant that everytime she made their lunches, they cleaned their rooms or her husband did the dishes, it was an act of love for the other family members.

I have incorporated this teaching into my own parenting as well.

One of Robby’s rules is that the dining room tables looks much better when not in use with the chairs tucked in.  He’s right but when he first mentioned it I thought: “seriously??”  For awhile, I thought that this household “rule” was a bit over the top so I didn’t really do anything about it.  But after he mentioned it, I noticed that when the kids and I didn’t tuck in our chairs, it would annoy Robby.  Every time without fail, he would walk over, push all the chairs in and look annoyed.  And to be fair, he does so much work around the house that I thought the least we could do is make an effort to push our chairs in after meals.

So every night after dinner for a couple of weeks, I asked the kids to look at the table and notice if there was anything that would bother Daddy.  As they pushed in their chairs, I repeated that every time we push in our chairs, it is an act of love for Daddy.

And guess what?

The kids and I almost always push in our chairs after meals.  It’s a tiny gesture that only takes a few seconds per day and this tiny act of love makes Robby happier.

So although my eye is still stinging on and off from getting those coffee grounds in it, when I think of doing the dishes as an act of love, it really doesn’t matter that much.  In fact, it makes it all worth it – brown chunky tears and all.

P.S. Thanks for my friend Lauren for helping me navigate through the challenges of parenting and nurturing my close relationships. I have been so lucky to have you as a friend and mentor in my life.  I hope you consider this post an act of love and appreciation for you!

We would love to hear your thoughts on whether reframing household chores as an act of love could be helpful for you!  Post a comment below and let us know!

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