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Recently, through social media, I got back in touch with a friend from junior high school, Jennifer. I remember wondering what she was up to because she was one of the most intelligent people I had ever met during my high school years. It was wonderful to learn that she finished her PhD and is teaching at a College in Montreal.
In addition to being intelligent, I remember Jennifer as being very kind. We didn’t travel in exactly the same circles in high school because I spent so much of my time with my volleyball and basketball teammates but we did have some close mutual friends so I had the pleasure of getting to know her through those connections.
After reconnecting on Facebook, we caught up a little in a conversation over private messenger. Near the end of our exchange, Jennifer wrote me this message:
But you were the complete opposite. You were SO nice, always encouraging, and never once sniffed with disdain or even rolled your eyes with impatience when I missed shot after shot after shot. It might not have seemed like much, but it made such a difference in lessening the Aggregate Humiliation Total of the season. I was too embarrassed ever to say anything about it at the time, but I never forgot your basic kindness and compassion. Some people never get there, and you had it in spades at fifteen. So thank you!
My eyes immediately welled up.
My heart was touched by the fact that a simple act of kindness had made such an impact in Jennifer’s life that she would thank me over 20 years later. I also appreciated how kind she was for even bringing it up and expressing her thanks for such a seemingly small interaction on my part.
Now that I’m a parent, I keep thinking about how to raise my children so that they will interact with others in a way that not only doesn’t increase the “Aggregate Humiliation Total” for other kids but is instead characterized by respect and kindness to create memorable, positive experiences.
It seems like there is a striking lack of kindness in many people’s daily interactions (just read the comments under some news articles online!). It also seems that in many instances, there are virtually no consequences for treating others with disrespect and lack of basic compassion.
My reflections on how to instil values of kindness and compassion in both my children, therefore, seem more pressing than ever. I’ve been thinking a lot about the different messages that we give to our sons and daughters – about how to help my son grow into a respectful, kind and caring man while supporting my daughter to become a strong, confident, assertive and empowered woman (and I’m super excited to share something I’m actively working on in this regard at a future date!)
More than twenty years after Jennifer and I were paired in badminton together, I’m more and more convinced that one of the most effective ways of making the world a better place is in showing care, kindness and compassion in daily, personal interactions (and yes, this applies to interactions with others and with how we talk to and think about ourselves on a daily basis).
I am also convinced that expressing gratitude and appreciation to those who show respect, kindness and compassion is one of the best ways to make this world a better place.
So I want to say thank you to Jennifer for sending me that touching message and reinforcing the fact (especially at this time in human history) that simple, everyday acts of kindness can really make a difference in people’s lives.
We would love to hear about a time you experienced kindness and compassion or about how you’re attempting to instil those values in your own children – please share your thoughts below!
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Everyday kindness also helps the person being kind. It brought to mind my friend, Albion, who, when stopped at a light, had a window washing young woman come to his car. It was a cold miserable day and Albion rolled down his window and gave the woman a $20 bill and told her to take the day off! He came into my office beaming! He said “You should have seen the huge smile on her face!” It probably was equal to the smile on his face!
What a great point to add to this article! The act of kindness is a gift to the person performing that act as much as it is to the person receiving it! It is reciprocal. I think that might be post worthy all in itself! And Albion was a wonderful, kind man – what a lovely memory of him! Thanks for the thoughtful comment! xoxo Kirsten