14 Ways to Find Happiness – Even When Life Sucks

I’ve been on a Will Smith movie binge lately. It started with Men in Black (a classic, in my opinion), and then I moved onto heavier stuff: Seven Pounds (a real tear-jerker…if you haven’t seen it, make sure you have tissues with you), Collateral Beauty (where he mourns the loss of his daughter), and then finally The Pursuit of Happyness (a true story of a man and his 5-year old son who are homeless for a year while the man competes in an internship for a job).

While Men in Black is a comedy, the other three movies are dramas that cover some intense themes and emotions: death, guilt, despair, loss, and homelessness. And yet, in each of these three movies, Will Smith’s character is able to get to a state of peace…and eventually move to a state of happiness.

There’s a powerful message in each of these movies: regardless of your life situation and what you’re dealing with, you can find happiness. It might take some time as you go through a grief process, but it is there.

Happiness is a state of well-being (not an emotion!) where you feel that your life is good. You have satisfaction and a sense of purpose or meaning about your life.

Regardless of your life situation and what you’re dealing with, you can find happiness.

Shouldn’t a life of happiness mean the absence of difficulties, discomforts, or hard times? You would think so, but it doesn’t!

Our lives will always have times of difficulty or unpleasantness. That’s just a fact of life. Some of us may have some really horrible times. Some of us may end up with a debilitating illness. Some of us — all of us? — may lose a person we love and end up with a broken heart.

Here’s the key thing you need to remember about happiness: Happiness is a choice.

Each one of us has the ability in ourselves to choose happiness…or any other state of being. Happiness is a perspective or attitude or outlook that we choose to have and that we live. Living it is important — like anything else, you need to walk the talk! This happy perspective or attitude can include things like having a positive perspective, feeling grateful for your blessings, and doing kind things for other people.

Happiness is a choice.

When we’re in a time of discomfort, choosing happiness can be invaluable to helping you get through that time. Our mindset dictates how much suffering we will have to endure when we’re faced with one of those times.

Here’s an example: when I was hit by the minivan, it was definitely a “time of discomfort!” An approximately 4,000 pound vehicle hit me at 25 mph while I was walking. I had never really been injured before…the last time I had had to go to the emergency room was when I was 18 and had cut my finger on the meat cutter at work…that required all of 3 stitches.

This obviously was much, much worse.

I was lying in the middle of the road in a level of pain that I had never experienced before. People were gathering around and trying to help me off the road. I didn’t want to be touched or moved, and was physically unable to stand or walk because of my injuries.

Being a person who is generally happy, I fell back onto that attitude as I lay there. The ambulance and police got there very quickly and I remember laughing, joking and even flirting a little bit with the EMT after he asked me if my driver’s license was a fake ID because there was no way I was as old as was written on the license. I consciously chose to do this — and by doing these things, I was able to distract myself from the almost indescribable amount of pain I was in.

Having a happy state of being has been proven through numerous studies to help with the healing process and foster good health. When you’re happy, your heart rate and blood pressure lowers. Happiness increases the effectiveness of your immune system — meaning you’re less likely to get that cold that is going around the office. It also helps lower stress and lower pain when we’re in pain (this was exactly what I experienced in choosing happiness during those extreme moments of pain). Having a happy state of being may even help combat disease and increase your lifespan.

Introducing Oscar: The Happiest Man in the World

I met a guy a few years ago who was truly happy…and he had one of the most incredible and challenging life stories I have ever heard. His name is Oscar and he’s a great example of someone who has cultivated a state of happiness in his life.

Oscar is a San Francisco taxi cab driver from El Salvador. He told me his life story while we were driving to my destination. He was born to a very poor family. When he was 10 years old, his family could no longer afford to send him to school. (In parts of Central America, public school is not free — you need to pay an annual registration fee, a monthly fee to help pay the teacher’s salary and building expenses, you need to buy the books and materials, and you need to buy the school uniform. Unfortunately, when times are difficult, school is one of the first expenses to be cut. Luckily there are no age limits in the school, so you can go back when you can afford to… which is why you‘ll see 18 year old students in 7th grade.) Anyway, Oscar’s family couldn’t afford the tuition so he was going to have to drop out of school.

It so happened that his uncle was visiting from a town several hours away by car. The uncle offered to have him live with him and pay for him to go to school in his town. The family agreed to the plan, and off Oscar went.

For the first month of so, everything was great. Oscar went to school and lived with his uncle. And then, after a couple months, his uncle came to him and told him he could no longer afford to send him to school and could no longer afford to house him.

At 10 years old, Oscar was out on the street, homeless, and very far from where his parents lived.

He debated what to do — should he try to walk home and live with his family, or should he do something different? Oscar told me that he had heard about America from his friends, and that he had heard it was a wonderful place full of opportunities…and that the streets were paved in gold.

He decided that he wanted to go to America.  He had no way to get there except by walking, so he started walking. A 10-year old, walking to the United States, alone!

He walked through El Salvador to Guatemala to Mexico to the United States, stopping when he needed to do some odd jobs to earn money to buy food or new shoes or to pay tariffs or to pay for passage across crocodile-infested rivers on a boat.

It took him 7 years to walk from El Salvador to the United States. Along the way, he had many experiences and also suffered some incredible hardships. But his vision and goal of living in the United States gave him motivation, kept him positive, and kept him walking.

Today he is married, he is an American citizen, and he has a family. And he is one of the happiest people I have ever met. When you get into his cab, he is beaming. The joy emanating from him is contagious, and you cannot help but smile and be happy in his presence.

He told me that pursuing his dream of coming to America made all of the hardships worth it. He knew that if he kept his vision in his mind and was literally taking steps every single day to make his vision a reality, that whatever hardship he was experiencing was temporary and he knew he could make it through.

Ways to Cultivate Happiness in Your Life

Since happiness is a state of being, you can, in fact, cultivate it. The key is to practice and make happiness a daily part of your life. Here are some ideas on how you can begin creating a happy state of well-being:

1. Look for the good things in your life.

What is going on in your life that is positive — even if there are a lot of negative things? Maybe it’s the support you get from a close friend or family member. Maybe it’s the love you get from your dog. Maybe it’s the feeling you get seeing the flowers in your garden. Whatever it is, make note of it and let the feelings it elicits fill you up with positivity.

2. Surround yourself with positive, happy people whenever you can.

They will help you be positive and happy. There is nothing worse than being in the presence of someone who is negative and isn’t open to positive emotions. The type of person I’m talking about is kind of like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh (side note: I’ve always loved Eeyore), and sees everything through a very gloomy lens. (This is very different from the person who is having a rough time — perhaps they just lost their job, have a serious illness or have lost a loved one — this type of person needs a support system around him or her to help him or her grieve and move forward.) It can be exhausting being around an Eeyore, and they can bring you down. Sometimes you have no choice, but be aware when you’re in that situation so that you don’t absorb their negativity. If you know you’re going to be with someone who is negative and a downer, come up with ways in advance that you can minimize the negativity.

3. Do things that bring you joy and align with your passions and purpose.

The things that bring you joy are those things that you lose all sense of time doing – you get so engrossed in the activity that you may even forget to eat. These are the things that help you connect to that happy state of being…even if the thing you’re doing doesn’t always go smoothly. When I was a young girl, one of the things I loved doing was reading. Every week during the summer my grandmother would take me to the library, and I’d go home with a dozen or more books and then devour them, often pulling all nighters to finish a book that was exceptionally good. All nighters are a bit tough for me now, but even now, if I feel a little depressed or negative, I’ll read. And guess what? I feel happier after I do that. And often I’ll get some insights or inspiration that helps me have a more positive outlook.

4. Figure out your purpose and then share it with the world. 

One of the key components of happiness is that you have a sense of well-being and purpose. What can you do to feel purposeful? What does your heart want you to do to make the world a better place?

5. Dream!

Dreaming ties into your purpose. What do you want for your life? Imagine it, visualize it, feel it…and let yourself feel how wonderfully happy you feel when living the life of your dreams. And then — go do it! Or at least take the first step. Happiness is a present moment thing, and when we defer doing what we want, we limit our happiness.

6. Move! 

Our physical body is made to move, not sit on our butts in front of the television. Take a walk. Dance. Exercise. When we move our bodies, our outlook and attitude improves.

7. Be grateful. 

Appreciate what others do for you.  Look for the beauty around you. Be grateful for what you have, rather than looking at all of the things that you want or lack. Look for things, people, events, etc. to be grateful for every day.

8. Learn and grow. 

We are not meant to stagnate. Try something new. Maybe explore a new part of your town. Pick up and prepare a fruit or vegetable that you haven’t tried before. Go on vacation to a country you haven’t visited before. The list is endless…In fact, part of our life mission is to learn and evolve — when we stop doing this, we can lose the joy in our lives. What terrifies you? Go do it!

9. Do the “right thing.” 

Studies have found that when we align with our personal morals and ethics, we’re happier. So, when we don’t cheat on that math test, or when we return the extra change the cashier gave us by mistake, we’re happier.

10. Look for ways to make other people happy.

When we do something to help someone else — and we do it without any expectation for anything in return — we become happy in the knowledge that someone else’s life has been improved. I remember years ago, one of my friends had been swamped at work and in the middle of all the work chaos, her mother passed away. Another friend and I went into her office while she was out on bereavement leave and spent an entire day cleaning her office and helping her with her work. It was a big task, but we were so happy doing it. We laughed and talked the entire time, wondering what our friend would think when she returned and saw that the “office fairies” had visited.

11. Smile!

The adage of fake it until you make it definitely applies here, and a great first step is to smile. Smiling improves your disposition, and when we’re on the receiving end of a smile, we cannot help but feel good and smile back.

12. Spend time outdoors. 

Nature’s beauty and tranquility can lift our moods and bring us peace. A walk or hike can help you clear your head and bring you need solutions to problems.

13. Laugh!

A good belly laugh can do wonders for your outlook.

14. Play and have fun.

What did you enjoy doing as a kid? Go on the swings, play a game of tag or hopscotch, or get the basketball out.

Next time you’re feeling down, try one of these…and if it doesn’t work, try another. Make it a point to incorporate at least one of these actions into your life every day and let us know how it impacts your state of happiness.

Looking to live your life courageously?  Visit Jennifer at her website www.SpiritEvolution.co where you can get more ideas, download her free report on the six steps to take to live courageously, and sign up for a free 20-minute session.

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