I have been a parent for around twenty years now to two amazing kids.  Lately, I have been reflecting on my performance as a parent. Like all parents, I have made mistakes and I have made some good calls. 

Looking back, I realize that parenting involves a lot of trial and error because no one knows how to be a parent, it involves “on the job” learning. And the most difficult thing is that we don’t have a boss or a coach to point out to us what we should be doing differently when we fall off course. 

Getting off course can have big consequences.  When we focus on what our child did wrong, it can erode our kid’s self-esteem.  When we take over and do things they are capable of doing, it can make them question their own abilities to handle things like homework or getting their own sports equipment ready. 

We can over parent our kids – we can unwittingly be those helicopter parents no one wants to become and micromanage every detail of our children’s lives.  This can fail to leave them enough space to develop and grow. At times, we may ask our kid why they are so sad or so bored and it may never cross our mind that it could actually be our fault.

So having parented two kids for twenty years,  I have figured out one thing: kids are almost always right and we, as their parents, are more often the ones who make mistakes. We make these mistakes when we push them to play a certain sport, when we push our kids to hug that friend, when we compare them to other children and when we focus on their weaknesses. I have plenty of these kinds of mistakes in my CV.

At one point, I realized that the relationship between myself and my kids was getting worse and worse: we weren’t talking much and the distance between us was growing. Then I had one of those important moments of realization: instead of working on them, I needed to start working on me. 

I started working on my job, improving my skills, planning activities with my family and improving my relationship with my kids.  I also worked on practicing active listening, being aware of my children’s problems, understanding that their time doesn’t have to match with my time, and being careful about when to speak. I realized that I had to work on becoming a better version of myself to be a better parent to them. 

During this process of self-development, reading books, listening to podcasts and audio recordings, I heard something from Jim Rohn, that reinforces that lesson. He reaffirmed what I have been reflecting on as a parent: “If the parents are okay, the kids will be okay”.

So this twenty-year lesson has taught me something important about parenting: only by working to become the best version of ourselves can we be the parents our kids need us to be. So get out there and work to become a better you – for yourself and for your kids!

We would love to hear your comments below this article about lessons you have learned about parenting.

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