If you are anything like me, it’s super easy to list all the many, many things you dislike about yourself.  It’s much more challenging to come up with the things that you love about yourself.  And, even more challenging is to sing your own praises.

Recently, I was invited to give a toast about courage.  In preparing for the toast, I was reflecting on how easy it is to see strengths in the people I admire.  And, how it is often the case that those same awesome people don’t see their own strengths as easily.

As part of my toast, I talked about how courage is putting what you love about yourself into action.  I used my own experiences and the professional work I do as the example.  But first, I needed to describe how I determined what I love about myself. 

I told the women gathered for the celebration we were toasting that “what you love most about your hero could mirror exactly what you love about you!”  And, I gave three cases in point. 

Exhibit A: Brené’s research ethic

I have a huge crush on Brené Brown.  She is definitely one of my heroes.  (If you have not “crossed paths” with Dr Brown yet, I recommend starting with her first TEDtalk: The power of vulnerability.)  One of the (many!) things I love about her is the unwavering dedication to thorough, complete, and comprehensive research.  I love that about her.

When I was asked to do the toast about courage, I looked up 5 dictionary definitions of courage, read 55 quotes about courage, and reviewed a handful of websites with tips about giving great toasts.  In other words, I employed my own research strengths to this task that was important to me.  I love that about me.

Exhibit B: Heidi’s “golden shadow”

Another of my heroes is a woman I have known for almost 4 years.  One of the things I love about Heidi is her bright shining “golden shadow” of Bravery. 

Bravery is one of 24 character strengths that everyone has in varying degrees.  A “golden shadow” is a strength that someone doesn’t easily recognize because it “scores” at or near #24.  In Heidi, I could see how she might miss this strength in herself, as she may believe is is “alone in the wilderness” (how many soul-collaging, mindfulness-based nutritionists do you know?).  I love Heidi’s “golden shadow” of Bravery.

Bravery is #24 for me (4 out of 5 times I took the strengths survey; believe me, I have a spreadsheet in which I collect such data).  I believe it’s similar for Heidi; however, it was so easy for me to see her Bravery.  And, once I could see it in her, I could see it in me.  In other words, Bravery is actually one of my strengths.  I love that about me.

Exhibit C: Meghan’s “signature strength”

The third of my heroes is a woman I have known for more than a decade.  Meghan’s “signature strength” is Zest.  A “signature strength” is one of the character strengths that’s in the top 5; something that comes so easily, you don’t even feel the effort of employing it.  Do I have Zest?  Nope.  Zest is not something that resonates with me.  Not. At. All.  Meghan exudes her “signature strength”.  Zest!  Zest!!  A word that “feels” like it sounds.  Zest!  Looking it up in a dictionary, I wouldn’t be surprised to see a picture of Meghan.  I love Meghan’s embodiment of her “signature strength”.

I must admit, I’m a little envious of Meghan’s “signature strength” because it’s easily understood.  My signature strength?  Judgement.  What the heck does that mean?

Judgement is #1 for me (5 out of 5 times I took the strengths survey; remember the spreadsheet?).  I couldn’t understand what it meant.  I was learning mindfulness – paying attention, without judgement.  How could “judgement” be my “signature strength”!?  I struggled for a time.  I was not very happy about my “signature strength” at all.  But that changed.

Thanks to working with both Heidi and Meghan over the years, I recently discovered what Judgement means to me: Judgement is open-minded, critical thinking.  My open-mindedness makes it more likely that I’ll try new things; folks with Judgement as a “signature strength” are more likely to try something they’ve never heard of on a menu and that has definitely served me and my taste buds really well!  Being a critical thinker and open-minded also serves me in my professional work, where seeking solutions in often high conflict situations is the aim.  I now embrace my “signature strength” and believe I exude it in spades.  Judgement…I love that about me.

Now, over to you: what do you love about you?

I challenge you to look inside yourself for what you love about you.  If you don’t know what that is, look to your heroes as your mirror.  If you love what you see in that person, consider letting her or him know (as your hero might also struggle to see her or his own strengths).  And, if you love what you see in your hero, ask yourself if it’s something that you love about you too.  If it is, then embrace that strength in you!

We would love to hear what you love about yourself in the comments below.  And if you think of someone who would enjoy this article, share it with them! 

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