When I was in my mid-thirties and home with four small children, I took a course at church titled “Living, Dying, Grief,” led by Reverend Jim Taylor. I remember one homework assignment clearly, over forty years later.

It was to write your own epitaph.

As most of you know, an epitaph is a saying or short sentence that is written on your gravestone. It is usually written by family or friend to describe the life of their loved one.

Jim said that it would be a useful exercise to capture what you would want people to remember about you. Describe your life in one short sentence!

I went home and told my husband, Mike, what my homework assignment was. He said, “That’s easy: “NOW SHE CAN SLEEP!” We laughed together.

At that point in my life, I was always tired from having had four kids in the space of five years. No wonder I was tired! Plus, during those five years, Mike and I had moved from Chicago to Edmonton to Regina and to St Albert then to Vancouver! I did complain a lot about the lack of sleep and being exhausted!

Although funny, accurate and appropriate, “now she can sleep” wasn’t how I wanted to be remembered.

I had a week to think about it. The homework was due the next class. How does a person capture in a few words what her whole life is about? What did I want people to say about me when I was no longer here? What about me did I want people to remember?

I decided on “SHE SAID YES TO LIFE.”

I wanted to be able to embrace all that life threw in my direction – the good, bad and ugly. I wanted to enjoy the wonderful moments, learn from the challenging ones, and notice my resilience through the heart-breaking moments that brought me to my knees. Most of all, I wanted to be present to all life had to offer.

The GOOD

Sometimes saying YES has been easy.

I have been blessed.

My husband and our children supported me so I could complete my MBA successfully.

I have had wonderful, challenging jobs – United Way as social planner and campaign coordinator; BC Hydro as Executive assistant to the VP of Customer Service and Strategic Planning Facilitator travelling up and down BC; the United Church of Canada as Director of Stewardship Services; and at CGA (Certified General Accountants) coordinating student responses and curriculum development. In all of these roles, I was able to serve others, enjoy life, and make a dent in the world for the better.

I have four children who have grown into wonderful, gifted, thoughtful, considerate adults. They have chosen life partners well. I have eight grandchildren whose photos line my living room walls so I’m surrounded by them daily. They bring great joy into my life!

There has been and is much to be thankful for!

The BAD

Sometimes saying YES has been difficult.

Just after my husband started a new job in Edmonton, my Dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. While I was visiting him in hospital, the Alberta government announced the closing of the Council my husband was working for.  

We had just bought our first house. We had to list and sell it and getting a new job was not as easy as we had anticipated. It was a turbulent time. I remember trying to put it into perspective by telling Mike: “It’s just a job. My Dad is dying!”

Things worked out quickly though, Mike got a summer job at UBC and while there, accepted a position with the Regina government.

Going through divorce after 22 years was challenging especially with four teenaged children. However, Mike and I decided that before that happened, I would get further education. So while I was working full time, I started my MBA. During this time, my mom was put into a care facility and I visited daily on my way home from work. At this point in my life, the stress was overwhelming.

I was ready to quit the MBA after one semester and raised it at the supper table.   Our oldest daughter, Naomi said, “Mother, WE have supported you and you have come this far. You can’t quit now.” She was right. I realized that the children had picked up the slack at home with no complaints. I had to do my part. And so I did it! I finished my MBA and I was so glad I did. It has served me well in life.

Through many of these bad times, I leaned heavily on my family and friends.   At one time after my divorce, I sunk into a deep depression and I leaned on my sister Charlotte and friends Cathy and Bob. They would come regularly to take me out for a walk or a meal. And over time, they helped me regain my ability to say YES to life.

The UGLY

Sometimes saying yes to life has been near impossible.

The ugliest thing that I would not wish on my worst enemy has caused the biggest challenge to saying yes to life. My nephew killed my brother Ed. How does one say YES TO LIFE in the face of such a thing?

My brother was a kind and generous man who was deeply loyal to our family. He decided to look after my nephew after our youngest brother died of leukemia. My nephew was only 12 at the time and my brother Ed miraculously supported him to get a university degree despite my nephew’s struggles with mental health issues.   My brother took care of him for 15 years. Tragically, this decision ultimately resulted in his death. There can be nothing as ugly.

And yet – SAYING YES TO LIFE is possible.

When I look at ALL of life, there is much more beauty and goodness than ugliness. Seeing the positive in all of life is possible. I continue to be intentional about seeking the positive, noticing it, and being thankful. Today, the sun is shining (and even in the rain I dance)!

I have one life to live….and not that many years left – I am 78 and in my twilight years! But even in these twilight years, I continue to strive to SAY YES TO LIFE.

Writing my epitaph has served me well. It has been a touchstone in good, bad and ugly times. If you were to write your epitaph, what would it be?

We would love to hear your short sentence that sums up your life in the comments section below.

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