Simplify Your Life by Creating Rules to Live By

I read a blog post recently that really got me thinking. It’s called `The 12 Rules I Live By (What Are Yours)” by Craig Ballantine.

In the article, Ballantine identifies 12 rules that he lives by that simplify his life and allow him to live his life “with less guilt, more energy, and more productivity.” The main idea of this article is that there’s value in establishing rules for your life because it helps simplify the choices you make each day and makes sure your choices align with your overall life vision.

I really like the discipline, thoughtfulness and practice of identifying and committing to rules to guide one`s life. So I’m taking up Ballantine’s challenge and identifying seven of my own life rules. I am going to add to what he did by also identifying the ways in which I benefit from living by each rule:

1. I always eat dinner with my family and there are no devices allowed during dinner (that includes TV!).

Growing up, my family always ate dinner together. A dinnertime, we can all share the good and bad parts of our day and engage in conversation as a family. At the dinner table, my Mom and Dad would always ask each child, along with any visiting friends (often to their dismay), to share something that they had learned in school that day. We’ve adapted this routine in our family to take turns talking about our favourite part of the day.

Benefit: This rule of always eating dinner with my family enables me to prioritize getting home over attending work events and also ensures that if I decide to attend an after work event, I really think it’s worthwhile. It has also guided me in choosing which jobs to apply for and accept since although I could work in a big law firm, I’ve chosen instead to work as a lawyer in jobs that have regular hours. Ensuring there are no distractions like television, IPhones or other technology, we spend our dinnertime talking with each other about how our day went and it keeps us closely connected.  Plus, there are many benefits of eating together including making healthier food choices, and deepening connection between family members.

2. I rarely watch TV.

I got into the habit of not watching much television when I was completing my PhD. With kids, one of the only times I could get work done on my thesis was after they went to bed so I would come down after reading to them and work on my PhD every night for at least an hour. Once I finished my PhD, I decided to keep up with this routine and instead of watching television at night, I work on my side business, my blog, and my academic publications.

Benefit: Cutting out television enables me to keep moving forward on the various projects that I’m pursuing outside my professional work. I know myself and I know that I’m happiest when I have a bunch of things that I’m working towards achieving. I would much rather spend time working on my various projects than watching television.

3. I don’t drink alcohol or do any recreational drugs.

This rule is a remnant from when I trained and competed internationally for beach volleyball. In my teenaged years, I started competing at an elite level in volleyball and my coach Mr. Lawrence Vea instilled in all his players the importance of making choices to support our larger goals in volleyball and in life. He talked to us about our choices relating to getting enough sleep, getting our homework done, making healthy food choices and not doing things to undermine our own success (like drinking alcohol and doing drugs). These lessons have stuck with me and continue to help me make daily decisions to get me closer to achieving my goals and living a happy, meaningful life.

Benefit: Healthy liver, healthy mind, positive role modelling for my children and I spend less money (on the alcohol itself and on taxis). Need I say more?

4. I bring something to read and my IPhone loaded with podcasts with me everywhere.

Sometimes my friends ask me why I carry such a heavy bag everywhere. There are so many books I want to read whether they focus on self-development, academic writing, sales and marketing, Indigenous issues or fiction. If I’m stuck in a line-up or waiting for a doctor’s appointment I want to use all my time to focus on the things that are important to me. Similarly, if I am jammed into the bus or subway, I want to use my time efficiently by listening to a podcast that’s feeding my mind and inspiring me with new ideas.

Benefit: I’m able to get through a ton of books and podcasts in time that would otherwise be wasted. I also avoid the feelings of frustration at being stuck on public transit or waiting a long time in a line-up. Instead of feeling frustrated I feel content that I get to spend more time reading or listening to a podcast. Starting in January 2015, I traded in all the time I was using to play Candy Crush (it was mainly on my commute to and from work) for learning about online business, skyrocketing the success of my side business, and launching this blog (and listen…if you are still committed to Candy Crush or another video game…you can always listen to a podcast at the same time!).

5. I’m careful with what I put into my body to fuel it (and I don’t eat gluten, dairy, or eggs).

Okay, now I’m starting to sound like I’m not much fun… but the thing is I’m a lot of fun (really… I am!). A lot of these rules came about because my body crashed several years ago and one of the ways that I took control of my health was by eliminating a bunch of things from my diet that were making me feel unwell.

Benefit: As Ballantine notes, having rules like this totally simplify my life. When donuts are brought into a meeting, I just don’t eat them. I don’t have to go through that dialogue in my head about whether or not to have a donut. You know that dialogue…the one that goes something like this:

And so on and so on.

Well…I just don’t have that dialogue anymore (and look how much time I save!)…I look at the donuts and they look delicious but I never eat them. Cutting out gluten and dairy eliminates a ton of unhealthy food choices and steers me towards the outside aisles of the grocery store, which is what all the health nuts recommend anyways. Although this one can feel a bit like a drag sometimes, the benefits far outweigh the negatives. (By the way, the biggest one is to cut out wheat… that cuts out a lot of things that are junky and unhealthy.)

6. I always repair relationships by the end of each day.

This is a lesson I was taught by my lovely neighbours, Mr. and Mrs. Lebans, who have now been married for over 50 years. Mrs. Lebans told me that this was a golden rule of their marriage. I have lived by this rule in my relationships with my kids and my husband. She also told me that the best way to ensure a healthy marriage is to marry your best friend. So things are looking good for me…Check, check.

Benefit: Making sure to address anything that has made me angry before going to bed ensures that my husband, kids and I talk regularly about anything that’s bothering us. It also takes away the decision-making about when to address an issue. There is no option to just let something fester for a long time. Any tensions have to be addressed before anyone goes to bed so it creates an open environment of communication and avoids the problem of things building up over time until there is an explosion in the household that is so big it can be hard to repair.

7. I am kind to myself and others.

This is probably the most important rule I have. I do my best to spend time each day thinking positive, affirming thoughts about myself and my abilities… (my favourite affirmation that I relied on heavily when I competed internationally in beach volleyball is “I am strong, I am confident, I can do this.” Feel free to take this and use it for yourself whenever you need a little positive self-talk!).

I also try to treat people with integrity and respect in every interaction I have with others. In our everyday lives, we have the power to make the world a better place and I deliberately choose to do my best to make all my interactions positive (this can be challenging in some circumstance but I still try!).

Benefit: I don’t beat myself up with negative thoughts about my abilities as a mother, wife, lawyer, sister, daughter, friend. I know I’m not perfect. I also know that I’m working to become a better version of myself each day and that “I do my best and my best is good enough.” There are so many people out there, especially women, who aren’t kind to themselves. We’re all doing amazing jobs and, most importantly, we’re all doing our best and our best is good enough. Many people are very good at being kind of others. But the most difficult step can often be being kind to ourselves. Let’s master the art of self-kindness – it will benefit everyone around us!

Having clear rules can help you live the slight edge philosophy and continue to practice simple disciplines persistently and consistently over time that lead along the path to success.

So I challenge you to give this a try.  I found it really interesting to articulate some of the rules I live by. I’m sure that after I hit “publish” on this post, I will think of a ton more…

Do you have rules that you live by? Post a comment below to let us know if your rules help to reduce your stress, clarify your values, and guide your daily decision-making.

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