If You’re Going to Ask for Advice, Take It

All of us have asked for advice at one time or another. But here’s the big question: did you take it?

The idea of taking the advice you ask for is simple but not always easy to put into practice. I can think of times that I haven’t following the advice I have asked for and I’m sure you have friends who have asked for advice but don’t seem to take any action.

And I can also think of time when I have asked for advice, taken it, and everything has worked out great.

So why don’t we take the good advice we are given?  Here are four barriers to why someone might not take the advice they’ve asked for, and ways to overcome them.

Barriers to taking advice

1. You don’t really want to fix the problem
2. You’re not ready to take action
3. You’re just venting and you weren’t really looking for advice
4. You’re stuck in your head

So let’s talk about these barriers one by one and see if we can break them down.

1. You Don’t Really Want to Fix the Problem

Some people seem to be stuck in a cycle of complaining. You know what I mean. They are the people that you can predict will likely be unhappy with something before you even see them.

One of the things that my sister Rachel found when she was doing a lot of her research is that idea that complaining actually triggers a ‘reward’ sensation in the brain which encourages the complainer to continue to do it. It’s the very definition of a vicious cycle.

I recently came across this article from Psychology Today that “Some research suggests that making a habit of complaining can ‘re-wire’ the brain so that those particular thinking orientations become ingrained.”

For people who are stuck in a vicious cycle of complaining, therefore, it may be that they are not seeking advice and are just looking for a chance to complain. If this is the case, they may just need someone to just listen and try to help them see the silver lining.  As the person giving advice, it may not be worth your while.

If they seem open to actually receiving advice, you could also tell them that you believe they are stuck in a complaining cycle and see if it peaks their interest to learn more about how to change.

But some people may be stuck being chronic complainers. If that’s the case, there’s no much you can do except listen and be their friend, or choose not to spend as much time with them if it really gets to you.

2. You’re Not Ready to Take Action

Change can be hard. You may have heard that it takes 21 days to create a new habit. This isn’t quite true according to James Clear  the latest scientific studies reinforces that change, or establishing a new pattern, takes time, effort and discipline.

What I’ve found from personal experience is that you have to be patient when you talk with your friends about a problem they’re having because they have to be ready to hear what you have to say before it sinks in.

They have to be ready.

So when I’m talking with a friend who is trying to work out a problem, and they don’t take my advice, I just remind myself that they might not be ready to hear what I’m saying. If you really think your advice is sound, and your friend keeps asking, repeat yourself. Use different words and examples.

And be patient. You never know when your friend might be ready to hear what you have to say.

3. You’re just venting

Sometimes you just want to vent. You’re just trying to get it off your chest, and you’re not really looking for advice or help. If you know that you just want to vent, you can tell your friend at the outset.

This will help them know what you need, and also let them know you’re looking for empathy or sympathy and not advice. It may therefore save them some frustration and energy.

If you didn’t know, and then you start getting advice, you could gently tell them, “Thanks for the advice. I’m not really looking for answers right now. I just needed a safe space to get this off my chest”.

In a previous post, I talk about the fact that venting is an important outlet. It lets you get things off your chest and may let you release frustration and anxiety that allows you to move forward and be ready to receive advice.

4. You’re stuck in your head

Putting advice into action requires movement. I think of this as putting some energy or effort in a specific direction. And sometimes I can find myself stuck in my head.

For instance, my husband kindly buys me Women’s Health magazines from time to time. I like to read inspiring stories of other women who have taken control and transformed their physical health. If you’ve read any of these types of magazines before, you’ll know they also usually feature a workout or two that have been crafted by a trainer somewhere.

And I really like to read about those workouts.

And then one day, I thought to myself, I really should try the workout. I should DO the workout.

And I did.

Oh my – it was tough. It was a great workout! But it took me reading those magazines for months before I actually realized I should do the workout.

If this is you, and you’re analyzing your problem from multiple angles and you’ve received various types of advice, it’s time for you to pick something and DO it.

If you are going to ask for advice, take it!

And you know what?  It doesn’t matter if you pick the perfect advice. What matters is you move from inaction to action. Because as soon as you move, you can move again. And getting unstuck, that’s the key.

Do you have a story about getting unstuck, taking or not taking advice that you’d like to share? We’d love to hear from you.

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