Every day, I am inspired by my son.

At 20 weeks pregnant, I found out that my son would have a serious congenital heart defect that would require open heart surgery and ongoing cardiac care throughout his life. In that moment, my life changed.

Fast forward four years, between the third and fourth wave of COVID-19, and after a year of waiting, we received an appointment for my son’s third heart procedure. At four years old, he had already been through more than most will experience in a lifetime: open heart reconstructive surgery, heart procedures, multiple hospital stays, and so many medical tests and appointments.

As we left our small City to travel to the children’s hospital four hours away, my fear was even greater than normal. After not going anywhere except work for the last year, entering a hospital during a pandemic with a child with a serious health condition felt dangerous and impossibly daunting.  For the first time, my husband could not come with us because pandemic protocols limited hospital guests to one guardian per child.

My worrying mind raced. I had to be strong and I had to be brave.

The few days we spent in the hospital felt like forever, and after being told that the procedure went well, but unfortunately was unsuccessful, I felt defeated and devastated. What would happen now?

After our four-hour drive home, I trudged up our front steps after my son, mind still reeling at how unfair life could be, when my son yelled out: “Daddy! Daddy! Momma and I just had the best vacation in Edmonton!”

Speechless; I was stopped in my tracks.

And in that moment, my mindset shifted. How could my son and I have been together throughout the last week and have such different perspectives of this experience? Why was my son’s recollection so happy? And I thought: We stayed at the Ronald McDonald House – a sleepover at a new and exciting place! We read books, played Play-doh, built Lego, and watched movies together – spending one-on-one time doing his favourite things! We ate extra special snacks and had dinner in our car side-by-side with his auntie we hadn’t seen in ages! We talked, we laughed, we cuddled, and we sang!

When I thought of our experience from that new perspective, I realized that I had just spent a week doing my favourite things with one of my favourite people. It was the best time I had had in ages.

Sometimes we just need a gentle reminder: even when life is hard and feels unfair, perspective is everything. Nearly every day has hard moments and circumstances that can lead one down a rabbit hole of anger, frustration and self-pity. But what if we recognized that, and still chose to be happy?

Todd Dewett, in his May 2021 Ted Talk, Perspective is Everything, describes his father’s diagnosis with terminal cancer and decision to be happy anyway. He explains how even in the face of terrible circumstances, we always have the ability to choose our perspective and to be defined by a positive outlook. Todd describes how his father’s doctors believe this positive perspective contributed to the longevity of his life.

At four years old, it seems unlikely to me that my son has pondered his circumstance and made a conscious decision to choose a positive outlook. Maybe there is another possibility: what if, even when life is difficult, we focus on the beautiful moments amongst the hardship? I am not suggesting that we pretend the bad isn’t happening or sugarcoat the hard parts. But what if, there is a way to separate our experiences in our minds into the many contributing parts and we focus on the happy parts? I wonder if maybe that is what my son does. He didn’t focus on the tests, needles, medical procedures, and pain and fear that they brought. Instead, he remembers the adventure of new experiences, the time we spent together, our happiness and fun.

While I think that perspective is everything, I also recognize that it is “ok not to be ok” all the time. It can be harmful to ignore our real feelings to try to create an insincere or forced positivity instead of experiencing all life’s emotions.

I have realized however, in watching my son, that he really is ok. He doesn’t fake it or try to please anyone by pretending that everything is fine when it isn’t. He truly has a beautiful memory of our experience. From his perspective, his experience is positive. What a gift!

Applying this lesson has been life changing.

When I used to think about my son’s first operation, his open-heart reconstructive surgery at two months old, I would instantly tear up, flooded by feelings of helplessness, painful memories and heartache. Now, when I think of this same time, I choose a different focus and I am consumed with joy and gratitude, that by miracles of modern medicine my son lived, and today he thrives!

By choosing a positive perspective, a day I would have once described as one of the worst – I now recall as one of the best. And through this shift in perspective, a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders and my heart.

I am so grateful. My son has taught me that choosing a positive perspective feels good and it is contagious!

Have you experienced a shift in perspective? Has another person’s positive outlook on life affected the way you see your own life?  We would love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below

Photo by Nadine Shaabana on Unsplash

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