Will You Answer the Call to Courage?

OMG Brené Brown! I don’t know if you’ve had a chance to watch her new special on Netflix, A Call to Courage, but I’m really enjoying it. In fact, I’ve watched it five times since it came out! If you haven’t seen it you can get a little taste by watching the trailer here.

Living with Courage Means You Will Fail

One of the great things about Brené Brown is her storytelling. She uses stories throughout to illustrate the ideas she has been studying and researching for so many years.

She shares a story about where the title of Daring Greatly comes from (hint: Teddy Roosevelt). But even more compelling is how she ended up coming across his quote, how it related to shame and how it changed her approach to life.

Brené makes a daily commitment to “courage over comfort”. And she does this knowing that daring greatly means you will fail.

Not that you risk failure.

You will fail.

YOU. WILL. FAIL.

She says business leaders she works with don’t understand that there’s a difference between being willing to risk failure and actually knowing that acting with courage means YOU WILL FAIL.

It’s a sobering thought. And as my sister Rachel recently talked about, failing or losing can be extremely unpleasant. But it’s the side effect of living in the arena, of acting with courage.

There is no Courage without Vulnerability

Brené Brown emphasizes that you cannot have courage without vulnerability. Vulnerability is defined as uncertainty, risk or emotional exposure. She’s narrowed it down to just one question that proves it:

Can you think of a single example of courage without uncertainty, risk, or emotional exposure?

She says she asked this question to a group of military service people. It was so silent you could hear a pin drop. Finally one of them stood up and said: “Three tours ma’am. There is no courage without vulnerability.”

I have never served in the military. But I know several people who have. I have nothing but admiration for those who serve. So my stories of courage or vulnerability do not include examples of when my life was on the line. 

But I can tell you about a couple of times when I’ve been vulnerable and what that’s meant.

When I got promoted, I believed I was expected to know some specific things, like managing our project financials. And truthfully I hadn’t done that in a long time.

Our systems had changed. The accounting rules had changed and things are infinitely more complex.

I decided to reach out and ask a peer if I could “audit” a developing leaders series that she was organizing for the next group of up and coming leaders: people who were aspiring to be my peers. She immediately said “sure” and remarked that it was brave of me to ask. I remember replying that I wasn’t feeling very brave. I remember feeling very vulnerable and weak. I remember feeling like I shouldn’t have to ask for this help – that I should already know this.

Another time when I felt very vulnerable was when I took a leave of absence from work. I wasn’t in a good place, mentally. I had tried a bunch of different things to change my circumstances, but nothing seemed to be working. And then I decided that “doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result was the definition of insanity”.

Rather than try some other things that were in the same vein as what I had been doing, I decided to take a leave. It was really hard to admit that I needed to walk away to put myself first – to make a public statement that I wasn’t feeling 100%. But I did and it was a crucial time of healing for me. It was a time that I had to admit publically that mental wellness affects us all, including me.

I didn’t feel brave or courageous when these situations happened. I felt weak and vulnerable. And I know that I still have some work to do to see that ​courage and vulnerability go hand in-hand.

Practicing Gratitude to Lean into Joy

Brené Brown also talks about how vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging and joy. But that joy is the emotion that we are the most scared to experience and fully embrace.

So who are these brave souls who are able to fully embrace joy?

They are those who practice gratitude.

While there are lots of ways to practice gratitude, I recently shared a story about ​teaching my son a gratitude practice. He used it in a moment of high pressure to calm himself down and experience joy. It is a great example about how gratitude can help us in our moments of vulnerability.

Re-framing Winning

For me, the most touching story is the last one Brené Brown shares about her daughter’s competitive swimming experience. And without spoiling it, Brené and her daughter talked about being brave and winning. Basically Brené coached her daughter to redefine or reframe what winning meant for her in the context of this competition.

It makes me tear up every time.

I’ve been on this journey of healing for the past few years and I have to be honest, it doesn’t feel very good. I felt terrible just having to take the leave. The skepticism of the short-term disability insurance adjuster was extremely damaging to my well being. And the actual healing process has been emotionally trying and painful.

But I am being brave. I’m choosing to heal rather than ignore the signs that something is wrong. I’m choosing myself first even when that means I may let others down. I’m getting better slowly. And I’m redefining what it means for me to be brave and to win.

Here’s to courage, being vulnerable and winning!

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